On the wings of passion and sorrow (Flyboys Movie)
by noodlearmy
Summary: Cassidy/Rawlings. Slash, language, sexual situations, and canon character death. Air was their life, and their death.


Cassidy was a normal man.  
He liked his women, and he respected men.  
It did not go the other way.

Cassidy did not like men.  
It was wrong, and disgusting.

Cassidy was a normal man.

Until he saw Rawlings that day on the airfield.

He began to doubt himself after his rough introduction to the young Texan man.

His idealistic, righteous, facade began to crumble.

He didn't want to recognize this fact, so he kept on denying it. Denial, denial, denial. In the weeks that passed he put more energy into believing that this all wasn't real then he put into flying and doing his duty as a pilot.

He was, unfortunately, in his opinion, attracted to Blaine Rawlings.

It wasn't right, but he could only keep denying it for so long.

~

For the next few weeks, Cassidy would watch Rawlings. The way he was so nonchalant about everything, even serious matters. The way he talked, with that southern drawl. The way he walked, muscles moving underneath his blue uniform...

_No, I like women. I do not like Rawlings._ He thought to himself.

The task of denying himself was quite taxing. But even if he gave into his desires, what would he do? Just go tell Rawlings how he felt and hope for a nice outcome? No, no, no.

_I have no choice. I have to keep this to myself. _

And so, he just admitted that there was something that he felt.

_As much as I hate myself for it._

Or how much he hated Rawlings. Mainly just for being around. Just for existing.

Thus his attraction towards the young southern man turned into a sort of hateful lust.

Or maybe it was more then just the physical appeal of Rawlings.

It couldn't be. Two men don't just fall in love.

Thereafter, Cassidy tried to stay as far away from Rawlings as possible. It was childish, but it worked.

For only a period of time, and then it unfortunately stopped working.

He had talk to Rawlings, privately, about his family situation and who to send the letters to and so on and so forth.

Cassidy loathed being this close to Rawlings.

Sometimes, he could even catch a whiff of his unique scent, which only made his hate, and attraction, grow stronger.

The next day was the squadron's first real taste of the war in the sky.

Cassidy worried for all the men, being that this was their first time flying into a violent situation.

_He worried for Rawlings._

Even in the air, he found himself searching for the white and red insignia, and each time he found it still flying, he let out a breathe that he didn't realize he was holding.

Every time they flew, he always found himself looking for Rawlings.

And the Germans, of course.

Mostly the Germans.

~

Cassidy's attraction and hatred was now turning into an obsession.

Ah, young love.

The whole situation was rather humorous. Every time Rawlings was around, Cassidy would avoid him at all costs; walk to the other side of the bar, turn his back to him, etc.  
At the same time though, he would be watching Rawlings. After all, he did see all. (ooh anybody get that reference?).

The worst occurrence that finally made up Cassidy's mind about what he would do came one night at the bar.

There Cassidy was, minding his own business by his little chess board, when he heard the creaking of the old wooden boards behind him.

He could tell it was Rawlings by the breathing. And that damn smell.

_Oh hell._

Gathering himself together, and trying his best to sound superior, because of course, he was superior, he broke the silence.

"Restless tonight, Rawlings?"

Hardly startled, Rawlings got up and turned.

"Maybe. What about you?" He said in that slight southern drawl.

_Oh, that accent._

"It was a good day." Was all Cassidy could say at that moment.

They continued to talk about Beagle, and whatever happened on the ground, Cassidy's personal life, the war, and how it was all meaningless, all the deaths, all the fighting. How no one would win. How it would just end one day.

In the process of talking, they maneuvered so that they were sitting side by side.

_Oh god, that damn smell of his._

It was driving Cassidy crazy, being this close to him.

He tried not to look at Rawlings' eyes, but he eventually glanced up, and thus, was stuck there and couldn't look away.

Rawlings didn't see him staring, until he too looked up and those colored orbs caught each other.

"What?" Rawlings laughed out.

"Nothing, I just...I don't know, I was thinking." Cassidy managed to blurt out, flustered that he had been caught.  
"Hm. About what?"

Cassidy didn't know what to say to this simple question. He contemplated saying "nothing" or "personal stuff". He even contemplated just telling Rawlings, but he thought that may end rather badly.

So, he would show him.

"You'll see."

Leaning over and putting a hand on Rawlings' thigh, he dove in and pressed a tentative kiss to his lips.

It lasted a few seconds, before Cassidy pulled away violently.

"Jesus Christ, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was doing. I'm not one of those people, I swear, I just-"

"Why?"

Cassidy stopped and looked up.

"What?"

"I asked, why? Why did you just do that?"

"I don't know, aren't you disgusted with me though?"

"I don't know. I mean, I've never seen one of you before. I don't know what to think."

"No, I'm not one of them. It's just..."

"It's just that I'm special?" Rawlings laughed out.

Cassidy couldn't believe that Rawlings was taking this all so calmly. If it had happened to Cassidy, he probably would've reacted more negatively, maybe even violently. But no, Rawlings was taking it all in stride.

After a few seconds of silence, Cassidy started to have a verbal vomiting session.

"I just...I don't know. It's just something about you and I don't know what it is but I've never been like this before, not with another man. I don't know what I'm doing but it just feels strange and right at the same time and...I just...I like you Rawlings. I like you a lot."

Rawlings had never seen Cassidy so shook up before, and thought it was rather funny. If he was to be honest with himself, he didn't really mind the kiss. It was kind of like a woman's kiss, just rougher, chapped lips, and a little less elegance about it.

"Hey. Don't worry about it." Rawlings said, putting a hand on the other's shoulder.

That simple touch gave Cassidy goosebumps.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

With that and a smile, Rawlings left, leaving Cassidy alone in the dark bar, alone with his racing thoughts.

_Oh dear lord, what have I done?_

~

The next day went by far too slowly for Cassidy. All he could think about was that kiss, that goddamn kiss. He could still feel the gentle pressure on his lips.

He didn't see Rawlings too much during that day, which he was depressed and grateful for. He wanted to see him, just because, well, he wanted to see him. However he did not want to see him because he feared another awkward encounter.

Cassidy had never been this flustered in his entire life.

He was always a calm, cool, and collected man.

Not a crazy, love-stricken young chap.

~  
That night, Cassidy was minding his own business, laying on his bed, and thinking about, well, you can guess, Rawlings. That dear young Texan.

Just as he was wrapping up his thoughts and about to go to bed, he heard several taps on his door.

Sighing as he got up and walked to the door, he prayed to a god that he didn't believe in to have the person at the door be anyone but Rawlings.

He opened the door.

"Oh Jesus." Cassidy sighed and looked at the floor in defeat.

It was just the man he did not want to see. And the man he did want to see.  
"Is something wrong?"

_That accent. That smell. Those eyes._

That's what's wrong.

"No, it's just..."

"Just...?"

"You. You are the solution to, and cause of, all my current problems."

"What?"

"I don't know. I give up. Come on in." Cassidy sighed, throwing his hands up in defeat and walking back into his room, Rawlings following.

Cassidy sat down on his single bed, and Rawlings stood in front of him.

"So what do you want?"

"Well, you kinda kissed me the other-"

"Yes, yes, I know what I did. And I'm sorry for that."

"No, don't be sorry."

Cassidy stopped.

"What? Then why are you here?"

Rawlings leaned down, placing one hand beside Cassidy on the bed.

"I came here..."

Rawlings leaned in closer, so their lips were almost touching, his breathe ghosting over the other's mouth.

"...to finish what you started."

With those words, Rawlings closed the small gap between their lips.

Eyes wide and heart in his throat, Cassidy froze.

Before the kiss really got started, Rawlings pulled away.

"I think it's polite to close your eyes when you get kissed. I don't know, maybe I'm just a dumb southern boy."

"Fuck you, Rawlings."

"Plan on it." Rawlings winked, and then added, "Call me Blaine."

"How are you, all the sudden, so damn seductive?"

"Shut the hell up."

Rawlings leaned over Cassidy and planted a firm kiss on his rough lips.

Soon after, Cassidy opened his mouth and licked at Rawlings' lips, which persuaded Rawlings to open up and allow the other to explore the corners of his mouth with his tongue.

The kiss elevated to the point where they were no longer really kissing, but fully on the bed, mouthing necks and ear lobes.

Through all this, Cassidy realized he was underneath Rawlings.

He would not stand for this.

Thus, he grabbed Rawlings' shoulders and pushed him over onto his back.

"Well, well." Rawlings drawled sarcastically, wrapping his arms around the other's neck and bringing their mouths together again in a heated embrace.

Cassidy separated them for a moment to remove his shirt, thus taking Rawlings' breath away. He knew that Cassidy was toned and muscular, but here he was, muscles and tanned skin, laid out before him.

Now Rawlings was the flustered one.

"Like what you see?" Cassidy said with the confidence he thought he had lost.

Rawlings just let out a short laugh, and then proceeded to remove his own top.

"Like what you see?" Rawlings smiled, baring his equally muscular torso.

"I always have." Cassidy grinned, and began to work at the buttons on his trousers, Rawlings doing the same.

When they were both fully naked, Cassidy backed up to take in the full view of his new lover.  
"Damn."

"What?"

"You're amazing."

Cassidy brought both their bodies together again, the friction eliciting moans from both men.

They began to passionately kiss each other again, Cassidy mouthing down from Rawling's lips to his neck, collarbone, and chest, sucking and biting a trail down to his navel.

"Wait." Rawlings whispered, just loud enough for Cassidy to hear. "Come here."

Cassidy brought his face back up to Rawlings, who put his lips next to his ear, and breathed out, "Don't fuck me."

"What?" Cassidy looked into his eyes, surprised.

"Make love to me."

Cassidy smiled and half-laughed.

"Don't pull that shit again."

Rawlings just grinned, and gave Cassidy a little peck on the lips.

Creating love. What a concept.

~

After all the smoke had cleared, and both were breathless, Cassidy said something that surprised Rawlings, and at the same time, it didn't.

"Blaine."

"Hm?"

Cassidy put his forehead to Rawlings and looked right through his eyes into the depths of his soul.

"I love you. I have ever since I saw you that first day, I just bottled it all up because I thought it was wrong, and of course, it is. But at the same time, it's so right."

Without hesitation, Rawlings added, "It doesn't matter if it's wrong for others, all that matters is that it's right for us."

Cassidy just gave Rawlings a sweet smile, and rolled onto his back, one arm around Rawlings' back.

The sun was already beginning to show it's light through the window.

~

"Today, men, we have the mission of bringing down a German zeppelin. It will be guarded by enemy fighters, which you must elude or kill in order to get to the zeppelin. Any question?"

Everyone was silent, even Cassidy, who stood in the shadows behind the rest of the men who were sitting down, everyone in a rather pensive mood.

"Alright, let's go men." Cassidy clapped his hands together and walked out towards the airfield with his usual confident stride.

Rawlings and Cassidy did not exchange words before they took off into the sky.

~

It was absolute chaos, and it normally was. Hot lead buzzed by, sometimes hitting the aircraft, and occasionally, unfortunately, hitting pilots.

Death came just as fast as those bullets, as Rawlings would soon learn.

He scoured the air, looking for the all seeing eagle.

He finally found it.

Plummeting towards the zeppelin.

"No!"

Rawlings couldn't breathe. He could barely keep his head about him to be able to stay in the air.

_Air. Their life, and their death._

The zeppelin burned and blazed, section by section, until the remnants of the metal frame fell to earth in one of the hundreds of fields, destined to be forgotten there.

He would never forget. And certainly never forgive.

For the duration of the funeral service, Rawlings just kept his head hidden in his hands. His eyes were closed, and it was dark. All he could see was the zeppelin.

And Cassidy's plane diving towards it, only to be consumed in a fiery blaze.

All he could see was the black falcon.

"Rawlings."

He looked up, eyes shiny from the few tears that he had shed.

"A few days before he died, Cassidy asked me to give this to you."

Rawlings stood up slowly and received the paper from the captain.

Trying to hold back the lump in his throat, he read every part of the letter aloud.

Almost every part.

At the end, in the corner below Cassidy's signature was scribbled a few words.

_I wish there was an "after the war" for us. I wish for so many things. _  
_But most of all, I wish the best for you, Blaine. _  
_I'm sorry._

~

The bombing in Jametz was successful, but it brought little happiness or closure to Rawlings.

_The black falcon._

All he could think about was the man in that plane.

He finally decided that he would put an end to this. This loathing and hatred, this uncertainty and sorrow.

~

It was one of the most difficult things he had ever done.

The falcon was fast and agile, and knew all the ways to evade enemy aircraft fire.

Rawlings had to try his hardest not to lose it; he had to keep his head straight.  
He had to get this done.

For Cassidy.

~

Rawlings thought for sure he was done.

At least he would die for a reason.

_For a person_.

He couldn't quit. Not yet.

Without another thought, Rawlings flipped his plane over and glided alongside the falcon.

The look on that man's face just before he pulled the trigger. It was just what Rawlings needed to see.

He only wished Cassidy could see it too. See what Rawlings had done for him.

Then he realized something.

_Je vois tout_.

The whole war had taken a mighty toll on Rawlings. It had given him memories, and nightmares. But it also gave him closure. It gave him the chance to truly love someone.  
And go through the experience of losing and avenging them.

He never flew again.


End file.
